Now we all know (or at least some of us working folk) how awesome it is to be able to stay at work as late as possible to get everything you want to done. Now normally with a wife and kids I am forced to get out as soon as possible, so I can spend time with them. Well, today it was different! I normally leave work at 5 pm sharp(ish). Today I left at more like 5:08 but here is the difference, I went back inside! Yeah, I got a bag from my car to get some pop cans from my desk so I could return them. There is nothing like the pleasure of returning aluminum cans with a dollar value of .10 per can. Well, I go get the cans come back to my car and try to unlock it... nothing. Huh?! I turn it back and forth, and it feels loose. Oh no. Now I own a VW Jetta, '95. It has an alarm with can ONLY be disarmed by unlocking the driver side door, despite there being a keyhole on the passenger side. Well... it's either get into my car and sound the alarm or walk home.
I walk around the car. It's about 5:20 now and people are filling up the parking lot going home. Also, it's worth noting there had recently been a bunch of break-ins which caused our building to hire a security patrol. I stick the key in and turn it... the door unlocks. I look around to see if anybody is watching me. Now, I know as soon as I open this door the alarm will go off and I will look like a thief. I hesitate... there must be another WAY! In the famous words of Switch "Not like this... not like this" Switch Dies. My hand wraps around the handle. No, this is what I must do.
I pull the handle, the alarm blares through the parking lot BEEP!, people stare at me BEEP! I dive into the car BEEP! thinking if I BEEP! the engine BEEP! it kills the alarm. BEEP! Key into the ignition BEEP! radio comes on BEEP! foot on clutch BEEP! key turns.... BEEP!!! Stupid BEEP! car I BEEP! own you!! BEEP! Ugh.
I pull up the driver side door knowing full well it won't do anything. BEEP! I know if I can just get the key to work the alarm will turn off. I roll down the window, close the door and furiously try to get something to catch. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! I go Chuck Norris on the car and kick the handle with the bottom of my foot... I try again... BEEP! BEEP! .......... Nothing. I did it!! YES! WHOO HOO! I pull open the door. BEEP!! Are you kidding me?!?!?! My car is mocking me at this point. I keep fiddling with the lock... looking like a criminal that is either to stupid or doesn't care it's obvious I'm trying to get into this car. I occasionally look up to see people walking by just looking at me. Their stares are blank and I get kinda mad that nobody is questioning my motives. What if I WAS trying to steal this car?! I mean I could prove it was my car (registration, license, etc) but still... I am frantically working on a car that has it's ALARM going off! Eventually the lock on the handle comes out... I MEAN OUT! Look!
Yeah that came out of my car handle.
The Result of your keyhole coming out of your car door handle
Finally I decided to call my VW Mechanic and he tells me I need to undo a screw and try to take the handle off. There is a switch inside that I need to toggle to get the alarm to disarm. In the meantime I've talked to Carrie and my Mom, both of which tried to help me but everyone knew I was on my own. The beeping has finally stopped and since I don't have the right screw driver, he said it would be possible to just turn the mechanism inside without taking the handle off... I search my car in hopes of something long, thin and hard to shove into the key hole. (TWSS) Yep you guessed it... I found a pair of scissors. I SHOVED the scissors and and just started twisting and turning like a mad man... things came loose. Things fell down the car door. I almost cut myself. But then just before giving up I heard a very faint.... bbzzzzeeerrrrmmm.
All the doors in my car locked, the little flash indicating the alarm was engaged was off and the door was closed. However, the window was open. Do I dare risk pulling the lock up and possibly setting the alarm off again or do I climb through the window, NASCAR style, and try to start the car. I look around the parking lot and some blonde girl is walking to her car giving me a strange look. I watch her walk to her car and then dive through the window hitting my head on the parking break. I whip out my keys, stick them in the ignition. Radio comes on. Foot on clutch. Quick prayer. Turn the ignition...wrrrr wrrr RRRRRAACHUUGGGGA GA GA! WHOO HOO!!!! Seat belt! Parking break off! Look both ways! DRIVING OUT OF THE PARKING LOT!!
meijer and return home with a 6-pack of IPA. I throw a couple brats on the grill and crack a Corona. Looking down at my hands I see grease marks of a job well done. Sure my car in vulnerable to any prick reading this blog and decides to steal it but I doubt any of you are really in the business of stealing a red '95 jetta with close to 200,000 miles on it, no locking mechanism and hair coming out of the exhaust (that's another story).
Now it is 9:32 PM I'm watching the MLB All-Star game while writing the events of my evening. I'd like to finish watching the game and play some PS3 before going to bed but more than likely I'll get tired, fall asleep and wake up tomorrow wondering if my car is still in the parking lot. Life of a Bachelor is hard, glad I don't have to do it everyday.
Last Call
A popular section of my previous blog posts makes a reappearance here today. My last call goes to Summer Rain. There is nothing more refreshing then being outside during a warm summer rain.
